Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary.

Pure and holy, tried and true.

Amalie, Johanna, and I went to a Jaanipäev party in Jõgeva tonight! it was beautiful, just wanted to share some pictures!

stopped in the highway to take this.

This is Sulew. This was an accidental picture, and I love it.

This is Johanna, she is beautiful.

This is Estonia, it is beautiful.

These are my feet. This is the sidewalk by Innar's apartment where I'm staying. I stopped to take a picture :)

Everyone is different, everyone is the same. I love this. I thought about editing out the dead mosquito...but it was too authentic to Estonia, I couldn't.

Tonight was so good. Lord, I love the way you speak to me in the smallest most unexpected ways and places. Hallelujah.

Be near, oh God, be near.

In Your ocean, I'm ankle deep. I feel the waves crashing on my feet. Its like I know where I need to be, but I can't figure out just how much air I will need to breathe when your tide rushes over me. There's only one way to figure out, but will You let me drown?

This is my desire, consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me. I know that I'm in reach, but I am down on my knees waiting for something beautiful.

My heart hurts today. We had an amazing team meeting earlier, but when its the Lord humbles you it isn't always fun. In fact, it rarely is.

There is so much in my life and here in Estonia, in the cities where we haven't even had camps yet, at home, at school. Not to mention all that is stirring in my heart and in my spirit.

I can't do it. I really can't. And it hurts when I realize that I can't be superwoman. I try so hard to be all of these things for all of these people and the reality is: I can't be Jesus. I must be like him, let Him outpour from me, but I absolutely cannot be Him.

Its not that this is a shock, I know I can't. And trust me, every day is a constant reminder in almost every relationship and interaction I have that I'm not good enough, I don't measure up, and I never will.

But, I'm not defeated in this. I love that I'm not good enough, because thats why Jesus did what He did for me, for you. For us.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to the fountain, dip your heart in the stream of life. Let the pain and the sorrow be wiped away by the waves of His mercy, as deep cries out to deep."

Be near, oh God, be near.

With everything.

Everything within my heart is breaking right now.

"Rising of the sun, burn away my sorrow, chase away the night, and pull me to tomorrow. Fill in every part of my hear that is hollow."

Today is the first day that I really feel alone here. I know that I'm not, and I can rest in that; there is something greater holding me so that I can breathe. But my heart sure does hurt.

Satan, when will you relent? You can't have me.

Psalm 46. Be still.

Breathe your spirit in me.

I love that song.

"So breathe your spirit in me, I need your spirit inside this heart; alive in me."

I wrote this in my journal not too long ago:

Your embrace is my air.

God's response? "So, breathe."

I don't know why that can be such a difficult thing for me to remember. If the God of the universe is my breath, and if His embrace is my air, then I can breathe easy because He is holding me.

The end of that song is a declaration that I cling to every morning: "I am not the same, I'm a new creation. I am not the same anymore. I am not ashamed, I will not be shaken, I am not the same anymore."

So... breathe. Respira. Vivira. Breathe.

I had a nice little bus ride/walk back from town the other night. Walking through all these streets in the country area outside of Tartu, I decided to make believe a little. With Once and Griffin House playing in my headphones, I kicked rocks as I walked down the dirt roads, past all the old houses, torn down houses, houses that looked like no one had lived there in years. In the middle of that I passed a dandelion and remembered that one moment that I wrote about in front of my house in Milledgeville where I blew a dandelion like I was 7 again, and stood in that moment knowing I was exactly where I was supposed to be, and that familiar feeling was there again. I got to pretend like this was my home, and for a moment I forgot it wasn't.

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. So, I'm going to breathe.

Armastus

I cannot hold it in and remain composed. Love's taken over me, and I propose the letting myself go. I am letting myself go.

Here we go.

He utters His voice, the earth melts.

[Inhale.]

Talk about a powerful truth. Best part about it, is it isn't a song lyric or something clever someone said, its a Psalm.

Psalm 46 speaks so loudly of the power of our God, the strength of our creator, our sustainer.

This is from my journal this morning:

"Its so good for me to pray with my team, as a body, a community. Sitting here praising God, listening to Johanna pray in Estonian and Andrus play "Carried to the Table" is perfect. All I need is coffee and I'm good :). He simply utters a sound of His voice, and the earth melts. Sheesh, talk about power. Consume me from the inside out, Lord. From my heart and my sou to the world. Fully for you. For you and you alone. Awake my soul. In this nation, awakening."

Sometimes I get so caught up in everything, all these ministries, all of these groups and communities and I forget that I just need to be still in the presence of my God, the King. I want to change my heart so that my actions and life follow, not the other way around.

Why do I do this?

Because He is who He says He is. Simple. Peace and empty hands.

I wrote this in my journal the other night:

Lord, your embrace is my air.

"So, breathe, Samantha. I AM holding you."

[Exhale.]

People continued.

I can't stop listening to Sean McConnell, Joshua Radin, and the Once soundtrack.

It just feels right.

This another person I've had the opportunity to meet since leaving the US:

This is Seth Miller. He is one of the most genuine people I know. The moment I met him, he showed sincerity and his huge heart for discipleship. He is going to to great things, I genuinely believe that. Plus, him and his two best friends and I are planning to go to Africa next summer. We shall see. Either way, this isn't the last I'll see of those three. I believe that, too.

I suppose I'm not as soft as I give myself credit for, which is a shock...because sometimes I swear I was raised by teddy bears.

SInce being here, my heart has been softened so much, the stone around it has been chipped away and for the first time in almost a year, I've cried. Which is amazing, because I needed it so badly.

I'm onto something here...and I can't wait to figure it out.

Love.

Malenovice, Czech

So, I've been in the Czech Republic for the last week or so and I've met some wonderful, wonderful hearts and learned so much about who they are. Everyone involved with this ministry is so transparent and willing to know and love others around them.

These are some people that have really touched my heart.

This is Brittany. She is absolutely hilarious and ridiculously friendly. She has the spirit of a child and isn't afraid to be like a child, but at the same time has a wonderfully mature spirit. I feel like I've known this girl for years, and I know this isn't the last I'll see of her. In the short time we've been here, her spirit and her smile have encouraged

me so much.

This is Katelyn Joy. Rightfully named, if I do say so myself. I chose this picture over the other ones (of her laughing because she is FULL of joy) because it really shows who I have seen her to be at her core. She is a thinker. She is

the kind of girl who wants to know who she is speaking to. No matter who, no matter where from, she is intently listening to you and your heart and from that, JOY just radiates from her. Not to mention her eyes can pierce through even the hardest of hearts.

And this beautiful creation is Katie. This girl is one of the most encouraging, hilarious, and kind women I know. She has the most free spirit and radiates joy from her as well. As you can see, she is the biggest goof, and finds joy in everything. She is intentional with her conversation and is aware of what she has to do to focus her mind on the Lord which I really admire. She enjoys keeping calm when she needs to, but dances in the joy of the Lord in every moment she can. I have absolutely loved my time here, and I can't believe I have another two months ahead of me of meeting people and growing life on life with them. This is just the Czech! My team and I leave for Estonia tomorrow morning, and after a 21-hour car ride will arrive in Tartu!