Quit it.

I've been so attacked lately.

Sitting in the car, driving to see someone who holds my heart and the soon-to-be love of my life in her belly...I lost it. I was screaming crying to God for peace, confidence, the release of fear.

And it hit me, in the darkest of days, I will find a way to call your name. You're my hope in it all.

I'm leaving this country in ten days from now and my dad is currently sitting on the foot of my bed playing the guitar and singing to me because I am laying in bed feeling more sick than I have in a while. This is so real to me. This is hope to me. This is love. 

Today, my mom told me how God showed up to her on the golf course, and told me she was so happy from it that she danced by her self for an hour in my house with the music blaring. This is joy, not just happiness. This is peace, and this is what it looks like to have empty hands.

My heart is so ready to go to Estonia in ten days I can barely contain it.

This week will be HUGE and I can't WAIT until I'm finally in a country that hold so much of my heart already.

"Look to the skies, hope arise

see His majesty revealed.

More than this life, there is love

there IS hope and this IS real."

Hillsong. Yes.

Tomorrow.

Let's seek this out.

Goodness, my heart is soaring a bit.

Life necklace continued.

I had this like necklace...

It had a bike, a camera, and a compass charm on it.

All I need is a compass for direction, a bike to get there, and a camera for the memories along the way.

I have a much needed lighter to burn the older images that I am laying down today.

That necklace broke, but I have my compass, I have my bike, and I have my camera.

I need a new lighter, but thats not hard to find; neither is the courage to use it.

Sweet, lets go.

Quote it up.

"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."

-W.M Paul Young

"Nobody wanted God in a box, just in a book. Especially an expensive one bound with gilt edges, or as that guilt edges?"

-W.M Paul Young

"Perhaps there is a suprarationality: reason beyond the normal definitions of fact or data-based logic; something that makes sense only if you can see a bigger picture of reality. Maybe thats where faith fits in."

-W.M Paul Young

"No matter what God's power may be, the first aspect of God is never that of the absolute Master, the Almighty. It is that of the God who puts himself on our human level and limits himself."

-Jacques Ellul

Chew on that a bit.

Could you really be out there?

Let's seek this out.

Brief.

For, hopefully only a brief, moment I have lost all confidence in myself. ever.

Don't we go up from here?

Time to start walking, hiking, anything to get there.

I am still running.

I don't like this lately, and I'm done with anything other than truth.

Okay, let's do this.

Step one: Breathe.

Step two: Be.

Step three: Believe.

Step four: Do.

Armastama: v.- Love.

Love is a verb, even in....especially in Estonian.

Goodness.

Talk about an amazing weekend.

Talk about a blessed summer.

Talk about all the confirmation and truth over my life.

I'm not all talk, and man, does that feel good.