The Lord is a victorious warrior.

Just sit with that for a second.

I've been trying to just sit with a lot of truth lately, and like the dust in this house from the 1800s, these ideas get stuck in my throat. I try to cough and I still can't shake or relieve that push right in the center of my throat. The strength comes from something inside my chest, explodes into a cough....and nothing, the push is still there. Stuck.

Now is the part where I make some clever connection to how these truths get stuck in my chest and I can't do anything with them, but I'll skip all that and just say it:

These truths get stuck in my heart, in my chest, and I can't force them out no matter how I try.

Well, here's whats up: why would I want to shake truth? Duh. Truth is truth.

The Lord IS a victorious warrior. I AM loved by the great I AM. I AM beautiful.

And the hardest of all to sit with, "I am good enough."

You know, I've never believed that. Ever. Even now, when I have amazing opportunities left and right to show love and give love and learn more about the one who created love, I feel that I am not good enough, nor do I have the capacity to be.

Stuck. I hate the word, the feeling, the action of being stuck. When I used to cave a lot, I would get stuck often, and I hated it. One, because it confirmed all the other kids calling me 'Bessie the cow" and the ever-so-original, "Fatty" and two, because I was physically stuck. Stuck in a small hole in a small cave that could collapse and kill me. Rightfully so, I was scared. Now, when I feel stuck its the same feeling of literally having no power, no control, and no sense to know what to do. I assume a doctor would say something to me about Freud and how its a repressed memory and some of that I'll buy, but heres what it is: its the dust in my throat. Its the feeling that you'll never get out, that you are stuck, and you are stuck for good. Ugh, not okay. No one, ever, likes to be stuck. Small spaces I can deal with, I mean if you know me and you've seen the size of my bed you know what I mean. But being stuck, motionless, defenseless, hopeless....generally sucks. 

In all of this, there is still that truth. But the good thing about this truth that I'm stuck with, is that its legit. Its light, it opposes the dark, it claims solutions to being stuck, and provides confirmation that I am free. If I want this dust out of my throat I can walk down the stairs and out the front door to sit on my porch swing and pause to simply be present in the canvas the Lord has pained that we call home for now. The kingdom of heaven.

I'm not stuck in this truth, its stuck in me, and I am free to run around in it. 

So, thats what I'll do. I'll stand confidently, I'll walk and rest in the beauty that is the present tense because of the confidence I have in what has happened in the life of Jesus, His death and His resurrection, in order for this truth to be stuck in me and for me to be free.