Oh hey, 6:00am...part 2.

Everything previously written: deleted.

Heres where I am: I'm sick of insincerity. Ridiculously sick of it, and I am so blessed my life has the beautiful beams of authenticity that it does.

I have some thoughts on some friendships and honestly, I'm through playing mediator. I'd rather lay them down.

I'm encouraged. Passion is soon, and I'm excited to see some Estonians, to learn about the Lord, to be in a place where so many hearts are consumed by lights and fashion. Its all very humbling, which by the way, humility is a choice. So is love.

Thanks again, 6:00am, I needed this.

I am so sick of things in my life going full circle.

I'm sick of falling into patter after pattern of my own selfishness and my own sin.

Lord, sustain me. Fight with me.

My heart is weak and my spirit fails, but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Do away with the evil in me, blow through it and trade my ashes for beauty.

I'm starting to realize again, like I have many times before, that I cannot do this alone.

I'm praying for strength, I'm praying for trust, I'm praying for grace and mercy.

I'm just praying.

And fighting.

And running.

And receiving.

And living.

Amen.

Redeemed.

You are slowly erasing every past scar and filling my heart with renewed encouragement.

Where have you been?

Thank you. Praise, YOU.

My heart is oh so encouraged, and my soul is loving City & Colour and Bradley Hathaway lately.

Move.

I want to be a writer. I want to be a musician.

I want to be a mother, a teacher, a professor, a photographer, a missionary.

I want to be a lot of things. Most if not all, aren't very possible for me.

The biggest thing for me, is what do I pursue now?

I feel a bit stuck, a little upset, and a lot confused because I have no idea why I feel either.

So, I'm going to drive. I'm going to run errands, keep busy.

I'm going to sing, and I'm going to pray, and maybe go to a tacky christmas sweater party and dance...

But, most importantly, I'm going to be real. And out of that authenticity...I'll move.

That is where movement is in my life. Love, authenticity, experience, example. Faith.

I'm ready to move.