The past few mornings I've woken up to the smell of coffee and felt new.
I love it, it goes a long with this old house so perfectly. I wake up to rain, cars driving by, old wood, and coffee. Its a beautiful thing really, and I'm learning to take it all in.
Last night I went to this thing called transition. Its a college ministry at my aunt and uncle's church in Snellville.
Long story short: I've been a name without an action: a christian, since I was in the fifth grade. But I've been a fire with an action: a believer, for the last five years. And last night was the first time in those five years that I feel like I have genuinely received and encountered the living God. As I say that, I can think back to moments where it seemed similar, but last night I was overcome with the joy and victory that I have in the Lord.
I genuinely believe that I'm free.
That I'm victorious.
That the Lord loves me despite everything I've done and do.
That in the midst of my brokenness, and in the midst of this broken and hurting world that a light has come, and His name is Jesus.
Yeah sure, it sounds cheesy, but cheesy things are cheesy for a reason: they work.
It sucks how I can't escape discouragement, though. I know I'm free, but people around me still make me feel like I'll never be good enough, like I'll never have truly enough love to be able to help people or love others. Like it seems out of reach and no matter what I do, or what I say or what I may actually be feeling, it means nothing and nothing changes.
Those are lies that I'm trying not to believe, but it seems impossible when the very surroundings where you feel safe are the very ones that discourage you.
All I can say is Jesus, and thats enough.
I pray that I can be enough.
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