Welp!

Lots of big realizations, lots of new lessons, and lots and lots of truth.

I'm excited to write about it.

I'll get back to you soon :)

Tell me...

What happened to you?

Fireflies by Owl City is definitely part of my life soundtrack these days.

My mind is scattered all over the place, and my heart is anxious.

Lord, sustain me with your voice and the choice to walk in truth.

Sheesh, You're so dang awesome, God.

"All I know is that your God is very powerful" - Regina.

That He is.

Amen.

Coffee-ing.

Photo by: John Fogleman

This morning, I realized lines I need to set for myself.

Today, I learned what determination looks like for me.

Today, I saw one of my best friends in a way I've never seen her before.

This afternoon, I set those lines.

This evening, I rested in a community that just isn't enough for me.

This evening, I prayed for the Lord to sustain me with His voice and for the choice to walk in truth.

Tonight, I'm going to rest in this. I'm going to sit with my coffee, and maybe my pipe, and I will simply just be. I'm resting in the fact that I am good enough, I will find what the Lord longs for me to seek, and I will live in that encouragement.

I will remember my mission in America and my heart in Estonia. 

I will fight for those hearts who do not know Him, for the hearts that He has placed in my life to seek and to love; the hearts He is jealous for.

Today, I replaced a memory of someone who stole my heart with no warning, with no remorse, and with no backbone, with a memory of encouragement and beauty; a memory to re-watch as the moment I realized how much I love one of my closest friends and the lengths I will go to for her. I am aware of my hearts purpose there, and I will seek it out.

Thank you Blackbird. You provide such an amazing environment for me to relax in your giant red chairs with the warmth of community, the smell of coffee, and the hint of hope in the air; a slight glimpse of what is to come for my growing heart in this small town. Thank you for making me feel safe and limitless. For allowing me to feel like I know no stranger, like I'm on an episode of "Cheers." Thank you for your open arms, and not to mention your cheap prices :)

Lord, sustain me with your voice and the choice to walk in truth.

Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest.

Scarcity

When we define something as scarce it means we have an unlimited amount of a desire for something from a limited resource. 

Time is scarce. Money is scarce.

I was sitting in my Econ class yesterday and my professor was explaining this to us and I started to think of things that are scarce in my life.

Time, yes. Money, yes. Love, occasionally. Prayer, sure. Friends, absolutely. Intimate meeting with the Lord, can be.

But here's the catch for me. All of these things that I consider scarce, the Lord claims are unlimited. His love is overflowing, He knows no time, my money is His, prayer is on my heart, friends grow through the love of Christ and in that prayer I realize that His grace is sufficient for me and it is then that I meet face to face with the Lord.

So, heres what's up...

My heart feels heavy lately and I can't tell if its a good heavy or a bad heavy. I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my heart that I'm confused about. But I know one thing: the things I consider scarce and limited, the Lord simply smiles and says to me, "I am more than enough for you. Anchor yourself in me. We are winning, I AM fighting for you."

We have only heard the greatest whispers of how great He is. Let's keep listening.

Home is where the heart is.

I miss you, Eesti.

It's weird to call this home, but the last few days have definitely helped. I stepped out, I breathed in the southern air, I went on a bike ride, I watched heat lightning, I walked into a room I was terrified to be in but walked into open arms, I re-decorated, I re-organized, and I feel like I'm beginning to see my challenge here in America. I need to learn to just be. To be present, and to see the Lord when it feels that I'm looking into fog.

In all of this, I saw you. 

My heart is beginning to feel lighter, and I find myself keeping busy so that I don't day dream too much about a potential life in Estonia for me.

So many things have been revealed to me about my future, and I'm excited to come to God with them and have Him answer exactly where my heart should be.

Bring it on world, I'm ready.

"I've always believed I was made for something BIG. Now, I'm just waiting."

Tere, Tere, Tere!

A letter written to you, copied and pasted to try to even come close to explaining what the Lord is doing in my heart.
"Hello, Hello, Hello! Good day! So, its about 2:30 pm of the second full day of camp. For some reason, my heart is heavy and I just wanted to e-mail you when I had a quick minute to sit and just be for the first time today. Working with my team has been amazing and there are a few Estonian traditions that I've taken part in that have made this an interesting experience...like sauna...they do it like twice a week european style...naked. Awkwarrrdd hahahah but there have been a lot of funny stories. Being here seems real but thinking about being at home seems the opposite of a reality. Its weird, its like the world, or mine at least just paused. Now, I'm sitting in a place where my heart feels at work and like theres movement and that I'm found in this love, in the arms of love (as hillsong united sings.) Its a frightening, amazing, and a full feeling all at once. You met me at a critical point in my life. I don't know if you know that or not, but the last year (and the years to come, I'm sure) has been and will be absolutely nuts. The Lord has completely taken control of my heart and is pulling me along. I'm terrified to let go of Him, but I'm terrified to follow. I love it here, but I'm scared the Lord is going to tell me to live here, and if that's the case, then its going to be such a hard move. Estonia is a dark, dark place, but the spirit here is so authentic that thinking about it and writing this to you is making me cry. I told an eleven year old girl yesterday that she had a purpose, that she meant something to someone, to me, and that it wasn't by chance that she was here. Someone translated for me, but I feel like she knew what I had said because before the translation she was already crying. No one had ever told her she had a purpose before. My heart is broken, my spirit is vulnerable, and I feel like I no longer have the ability to make plans because the Lord just does what he wants, and I just go. Dang, that scares me. I guess the reason in me telling you all of this, is that I need to ground myself in some things instead of just floating around in the spirit, and saying this to you makes it real for me. "I don't know where I'm going. I've been blinded by the truth. Between the graveyard and the garden there's a road that leads to you.' -Jason Upton. I have no clue where the Lord is going or pulling me, but I know it leads to Him. That's my mind and my heart this exact moment. Pray that I won't get distracted and that I can stand so the enemy flees. Satan has no claim on this nation.
Psalm 2:8 "only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance" Shootdang. Especially be praying for this 11 year old girl (Kaia-Liisa) and her heart, that she be planted in good soil and not fall on the path to be trampled or taken by the enemy. I want her so badly to believe that she is loved by the one who created her, the one who created ev-ry-thing. Amen? Amen. I hope you're well. I'm alive, and I love it here.
Talk to you soon :)

In Him,
Samantha"

Now, I'm back in the Capital of Estonia, Tallinn, after being on the Island of Saareema, and I can barely believe that we're leaving tomorrow morning. I'm not ready, and my heart has begun to find its roots.
I'm excited to be so rooted in the Lord, and to continue to love him no matter where my roots are planted.

So for now, just go. After that, breathe. Then, we'll see :)

Estonia, I'm crazy about you.